What to Expect as a NICU Parent

Every to-be-parent goes into their desired birth dreaming of that first surreal moment when they hold their baby for the very first time. It is a magical feeling of raw love that changes your life forever! But what many of us never anticipate is being a NICU parent. You’re left wondering:

What path does my birth experience now take?  

How long will it be until I get to hold my infant against my chest and my heart?

How do I navigate this unexpected wrinkle in my birth plan?

 

It is a tough reality.

 

I share my experience of being a NICU parent to help other soon-to-be-parents overcome and avoid the fear and uncertainty I experienced. Hopefully my experience can guide you to help emotionally manage this experience if this happens.  I want to share what to “expect” with the information I wish I was armed with.

 

But first my experience:

The c-section went as planned, my son met all the APGAR scoring and assessments to show he was stable outside of the womb and he was swaddled up and handed to my husband to be placed near my face as the surgery was concluded. We left the operating room together and my husband and I felt relief, happiness and ready to shoot out the mass text to let everyone know he was here!

 

But very quickly everything shifted, he began grunting was unable to latch on for a feeding and showed signs he was unable to breath; within seconds he was quickly taken off my chest and rushed to the NICU.

 

At that moment I had to TRUST, trust the team that would stabilize him and trust my husband to help support me emotionally.

 

Tool Number One: Be your baby(ies) advocate all the time and ask questions until you get the clarity you need. Clarity of what is being done and why will help alleviate fear.  A care plan will be created for your baby(ies) and you should discuss this with the MD, NP and nurse who will be monitoring and managing care.

 

Tool number Two: Focus on your recovery – both physically and mentally. Remember your baby is in the best care! Preparing yourself emotionally the first time you are brought into the NICU is very important. During this unique time in our world only one parent was allowed in the NICU (this may differ among hospitals & stability of the baby(ies) but better to prepare for knowing you won’t be able to go in with your partner). 

 

In my experience since I was in such a challenging place physically & emotionally I had my husband go to see him first. We as a parent team needed to gather information and understand next steps and he was the one who could handle that task in that moment. What was incredible helpful for me was he took a picture of our son; what this did was prepared me ahead of time for what I would witness. Although the picture was tough to look at, I let myself feel my pain, my fear, my disbelief and cry my eyes out in the privacy of my room.

 

Tool Number 3: Don’t rush your first visit in the NICU.  Before you go ensure your nurse has assessed you, provided pain medication if needed, wear your nursing bra and you bring your water bottle with you.

 

When you enter the NICU you will most likely need to put on a protective gown, you will be brought over to your baby(ies) and the nurse who is assigned will talk you through the care plan and machines. It can be very overwhelming to hear all the beeping sounds, alerts that can go off but remember all this is in place to monitor at the highest level. Based on the stability of the newborn you may or may not get to hold them but you will get to touch their hands and toes through a small hole in the incubator. Treasure this moment and embrace the power of getting to touch your baby; even though it feels so un-normal what is normal is you still feel that over whelming feeling of love. If you are not able to feed by breast and desire to have your baby intake breast milk ask the nurse for the needed supplies (sterile bottles, nipples and labels) so you can still pump.

 

Tool Number Four: Take control of what you can. Pumping and returning bottles of breast milk help me have a task to focus on. It made me not feel helpless. I knew once he was off the feeding tubes he would have my colostrum to help him build strength and connect me to him.

 

In conclusion my biggest take away from being a NICU parent was to stay calm, to stay informed, to stay positive, stay connected to my partner and most of all still show that baby I was with him through talking and singing. It is not an easy road but it is something you will get through.